Top 5 Songs I’d sing for American Idol Tryouts

I used to be obsessed with American Idol.  True story, on Valentine’s Day 2009, when my wife was pregnant with Miles, I told her that we needed to be home in time to see Adam Lambert and Kris Allen duke it out.  Yes, Miles is named for Miles Davis (at least from my standpoint), but pop holds a special place in my heart too.  There’s nothing like belting out a song and envisioning the judges reaction to your American Idol tryout.

Connected to this, my wife likes to say that I’m such a Yenta and I can’t argue with her on that account.  Drama is fascinating to me as it unfolds in my work and personal life, but when that shit manifests itself in a pop song, man I am hooked.  So, connecting the dots, pop stylings + celebrity gossip =  Top 5 Idol Tryout Songs.  And for anyone who has ever wondered who Taylor Swift was destroying in one of her songs, I’ve got you covered.  Or what about JT?  And seriously, Katy Perry:

Taylor Swift: We are Never Ever Getting Back Together

Her life is like a soap opera and every time she breaks up with someone I’m like, sweet, I can’t wait till she tears him a new a’hole in an upcoming song. I was little miffed in fact that we might have seen her maturation with her last break up.  Ooooo, she unfollowed him from Twitter.  That’s it?  Say it ain’t so! She’s pretty much made her way through the A list of Hollywood superstars. I loved when she was with Jake, the werewolf dude from Twilight, in Valentine’s Day, all helpless in the movie but in real life she put the f’ing smack down to him after their break up. And how about Jake Gylenhall, he probably cried like a bitch once he realized that the above song was about him. Oh wait, the whole album is pretty much Taylor tearing him apart.

Adele: Hello

Switching gears for a moment from celebrity feuds, we turn to Adele and her powerful pipes. F the bots who snatched up every ticket for her NY shows in like 10 minutes. I had it all planned to surprise my wife with tickets to this concert for our anniversary. I mean, I like her (Adele, I mean), but not $500 per ticket like. That shit would be reserved for if Pink Floyd reunited. And I’ll admit it, I love this song.  I’ll play it loud and proud . . . in my house . . . with the windows up. I even tried to incorporate this as another sleep lullaby for Bennett but he’s not super impressed when I belt the last minute out in full Roseman falsetto.

Carly Rae Jepsen – Call Me Maybe

I know I’m not alone in my fandom of this song as 18 million Youtube hits and counting will attest to with the Harvard baseball team’s rendition of this.  Have I listened to another song by her?  No.  Do I know whether she even made an album?  Nope.  Is part of the appeal my association with that viral video?  You bet.  Still, it’s a damn catchy tune and every time I listen to it, it brings me back to college when I met my wife for the first time and a similar experience played out.  Oh wait, scratch that, she didn’t say maybe, she said she couldn’t go to my semi formal because “she had to have dinner with:

Justine Timberlake: What Goes Around 

Returning to the celebrity gossip portion of this post, I give you JT, who is on my shortlist of guys I’d like to live vicariously through.  I mean, the dude was with Cameron Diaz in her prime, is married to Jessica Biel, and used to date Olivia Wilde.  That’s a hat trick that everyone can get behind and would make Jeter proud.  Seriously, is there anyone hotter than Olivia Wilde?  Just look at his list.  And what’s amazing is that the dude started as a boy band singer, parlayed that into a successful solo career, acting gigs, and even guest SportsCenter anchor.  And while JT insists that What Goes Around isn’t about Brtittney, come on man, we all know the truth. Sure, it’s about your “buddy who lost Elisha Cuthbert to another man”. Don’t forget what REM said, “Everybody Hurts, sometimes”.

Katy Perry: Wide Awake

There was Magic and Bird, then Tupac and Biggie, and now it’s Taylor Swift and Katy Perry.  Everyone needs a mortal enemy, even Maggie Simpson:

The problem for Katy is that she’s going against the Chuck Norris of celebrity bitch slapping.  Katy, have you not seen what happens to T Swift’s enemies?  The crazy thing about their feud is that apparently it isn’t even about a dude, but about business dealings instead.  Lame.  And while this song has nothing to do with their spat, it’s damn catchy and does at least give us closure on the Katy Perry/Russel Brand marriage.  I know all of us were shocked when that one ended.

Full disclosure, all of this intel for this top 5 I learned as part of my research.  It’s not like I’m following the feuds. . . or am I.

3 thoughts on “Top 5 Songs I’d sing for American Idol Tryouts”

  1. Loved this post! Soon sad that American Idol ended and you can’t try out. The out takes on that one would have been amazing! Next time leave us a video of you singing. It’s what the world needs now.

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