Mike's top five

It's the summer solstice today. Today is the longest day of the year with the most sunlight of any day. Mike's top five indications it's actually summer now.
#5. You're thinking about taking the Christmas lights down now.
#4. The same radio DJ appears to be on all weekend.
#3. Home heating wood smoke replaced by forest fire wood smoke.
#2. Your AC stopped working about week ago.
#1. You have to stay up til 10 just to catch the start of the first movie at the drive-in.

Our contest "Play Dad" is all about things that dad would say. Mike's top five things you'll NEVER hear dad say.
#5. Why would you want to go get a job? I have tons of money and don't mind forkin' it out so you can lolly gag at the University of Dad's Paying.
#4. You know pumpkin,  I think you're ready for unchaperoned car dates.
#3. Your mom and I are going away for the weekend, why don't you have a few friends over for a party while we're gone.
#2. Here's my credit card, go crazy! See you at the food court whenever you feel you've shopped enough.
#1. Well how about that, I guess I'm lost. I better stop and ask someone for directions.

73% of women surveyed said they are more inclined to marry someone who has a pet. So if you'd like to attract a future mate, but you don't want to make the investment of time and money in a real pet - Mike's top five ways to fake that you are a pet owner.
#5. Let her know your pet is very shy and probably will just go straight to his safe-place as soon as she arrives.
#4. Keep a leash and a stash of poo bags on the passenger seat of your car.
#3. When you're out with your future wife and you see any animal; immediately crouch down, pet the animal and say to the owner “awwwww, what's his name?”.
#2. Every once in while refer to your future wife by your pretend pet's name (unless your pretend pet's name is Vicky, Lindsay, Stephanie, Pam, Linda, Colleen, Denise or Wendy).
#1. Wouldn't hurt to go to work smelling like a wet dog once in while.

“Oh look, a potpourri filled basket of cherry-banana-rasberry lotions and creams!”. Mike's top five other least popular Father's Day gift ideas.
#5. The Pat Bell home barber kit (second only to the Ron Polillo “hair removal system”).
#4. An overly mushy card. Keep it to something like this: “If we ever need to know the score, you're always there”.
#3. Anything that “goes with the lamps”.
#2. Any book that has a title that contains the words “for Dummies” or “quick and easy”.
#1. A handsome wall plaque listing all of Bill Gates accomplishments next to a list of all of Dad's accomplishments (better idea might be, a handsome wall plaque listing all of Lindsay Lohan's Dad's accomplishments next to your dad's..).

I was working on a top five list about odd Father's Day gift ideas, when this web site stumbled upon my inbox. Check this out, TiePedia.com is all about "ties" and Matt the Tie Master has put together a collection of Tie Cakes for Father's Day on his blog (here). What do you think? Comment below..

Mike's top five odd Father's Day gifts.
#5. A tie cake. Everyone knows, ties are more a pie item.;)
#4. Number one Dad cheese log. Because, really if it's a cheese log there won't be a number two.
#3. Tiger Woods' semi-autobiographical "How to swing like a Pro".
#2. Lindsay Lohans' "Top ten reasons why I respect and admire my father".
#1. Three words: Home Taxidermy kit.

Starting your summer job soon? Top five things to remember when you start your new job.
#5. There are no left handed hammers, or hen-ways..
#4. Never call the boss “Dad”. Even if he is.
#3. Try to start a rumor that you are really with the TV show Undercover Boss.
#2. Save rolling your eyes and saying, he's exactly like Michael Scott for after you've made your three month probation.
#1. Showing up on your first day with a life jacket and VHS copy of the Titanic: Bad idea.